I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
