So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
