so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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