i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
