apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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