I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
