took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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