We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
