his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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