oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Even my vagina gasped.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
