Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize