Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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