He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
