come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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