I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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