you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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