allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
