Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
