Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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