eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
