Where is the hickey?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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