Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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