who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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