how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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