I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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