Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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