is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
