Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
