1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
