apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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