I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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