Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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