Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
