Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
