Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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