I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
