I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
