I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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