so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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