Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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