you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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