just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
