So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
