The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
