conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
