grandma shit on top of the toilet
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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