this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
