everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
