Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My ATM looks so different sober.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
