If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
