man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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