Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
